Peel, Stick, & Look Out

By Glenn Strange ⓒ 2012

My wife is going to be so pleased when she gets home. I’m in the process of placing peel and stick Velcro Strips under every item in the house weighing 15 pounds or less. That’s right, every ornamental gadget, whatnot, and doodad.  Including clocks, lamps, salt/pepper shakers, telephones, vases, radios, books, magazines, … even the “As Seen on TV” combination soap dispenser, toothbrush, and toothpaste tube squeezing devise (with 4 oz rinsing cup). Anything that’s sitting on the coffee table, end tables, bookshelves, kitchen cabinets, or dining table. It’s all going to be secured in place with Velcro.

I’m nearing the end of this project and I only have the wall items to Velcro.  You know, things like pictures, mirrors, shadow boxes, room thermometers, … even the hanging  combination backscratcher, shoehorn, fly flop wedding gift that Uncle Zac gave us. Made from genuine Hawaiian Tiki Bar Bamboo and measuring 32 inches (it’s longer than most) enabling you to slip on shoes without bending, scratch those hard to reach places, and easily flatten distant flies.

Once everything is firmly Velcro-ed in place, my dear wife’s life is going to be so much simpler. No more dreading that never-ending task of dusting. Dusting as we know it will be transformed into an event that even kids will beg to do. About once a week, or more often, depending on the humidity where you live, all you do is prop open the outside doors, grab your $49 cordless leaf blowing machine, go to far end of the house, turn around, start walking and blowing dust. It couldn’t be any easier or faster. You’ll never again have to pick up or move aggravating dust collecting whatnots. You can even dust the curtains, blinds, and crystal chandeliers without the use of a potentially dangerous step ladder, chair, or footstool. Other than the stripping profession, there’s never been a better use for Velcro.

Perfect timing, I’ve just finished Velcro-ing my mother-in-law to the wall and I hear my wife coming up the driveway.  She’s going to be so excited and pleased with me. I can only imagine. Look out …… light the candles!

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