USDA Requires Magicians to Write Disaster Plan for Rabbits

Sometimes you hear a story that’s so unbelievably funny, that it actually turns into unbelievably serious.  Such is the case with my magician friends, Marty & Brenda Hahne. Two of the kindest and most caring family & children entertainers in the business. They are based out of Ozark, MO, and travel the US entertaining audiences in schools, libraries, malls, and other venues.

A few years ago, the USDA  Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service agents started searching out magicians and showing up uninvited at their homes. Because of the USDA’s (the Rabbit Police) on going harassing of unannounced inspections, costly license requirements, increased veterinarian expenses, and other unnecessary time and money consuming requirements, magicians across the US have implemented Rabbit Lay-Offs. Yes, once productive, useful, smile-making rabbits have been turned into useless dependent animals existing without a purpose.  Many former joy-giving show rabbits have just given up.

All this happened because of our Washington, well educated student loan funded lawmakers. Today, hundreds of thousands of American children will never experience the joyful surprise of seeing a soft fluffy rabbit magically appear before their eyes.  They’ll never again have an opportunity to pet or hold a live rabbit during or after a magic show.  Because, most all magicians have excluded live rabbits from their shows due to new government enforced regulations. Included in the long list of nonsense government regulations is a law that states, if a child  is allowed the opportunity to touch a rabbit in anyway, the magician is required to supply a government approved hand-washing station that’s located within sight of where the rabbit touching takes place.

Marty & Brenda Hahne felt it was important that their audience members experience the fun and excitement of witnessing a magician appear a live rabbit.  So, they exccepted the fact that their end-of-year income would decrease substantially in order to meet the new Rabbit Police Laws. They made a commitment to each other, their audiences, and a promise to Charley, the rabbit; he was staying in the show and would not be a victim of rabbit laid off.

Just when you think the US government could not do anything else to make something more difficult, the government proves that anything’s possible.  On June 27, 2013, Marty Hahne posted on his facebook that his USDA rabbit license requirement just took another ridiculous twist. He received an 8 page letter from the USDA, telling him that by July 29, he needs to have in place a written Disaster Plan, detailing all the steps he would take to help get his rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood etc. Before the end of July he needs to have this written rabbit disaster plan in place, or he is breaking the law.

Here’s the detailed timeline the USDA gave Marty to comply with its order:

• The new regulation became effective Jan. 30, 2012;

• The written plan must be completed by July 29, 2013;

• Hahne and his wife, Brenda, must be trained to implement the plan as written;

• The written plan must be available for review by USDA inspectors by Sept. 28, 2013.

This is an example of a humor transformation. A true story that started out by being unbelievably funny, and then transforming into unbelievable. Everyone loves to laugh, but everyone doesn’t laugh at the same thing. Understanding humor can be complicated and complex with confusing constantly changing exceptions.  They’re no “always black” or “always white” rules in comedy.  What was funny today, may not be funny tomorrow. Most people responded with laughter when they first heard  the rabbit disaster plan story, but now, few seem to be laughing.


Click Here to:   Watch Marty perform with USDA Approved Charley the Rabbit.

Rabbit Kill Cook Eat 2 6-28-13



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